Baby Blues

Itchy Boobs & Cravings

The itchy boobs could have just been from the sand that may have gathered in my top this morning while I was laying out on the beach. And the cravings could just be the devil trying to torture me since I have been eating so well the last 6 weeks. But for some reason today Im just in a funk. Well, not just today. I fell asleep lastnight thinking about my precious little baby that I lost in March, merely 3 months ago. You would think that because I was only 16 weeks pregnant and its been this long, thus far, that those thoughts wouldnt cross my mind and if they did it wouldnt hurt my heart. But it's not true. I still have the image of this precious little life that PJ had to get out of the toilet & I still wish I could have wrapped her up myself and sayed goodbye. I dont know what I was thinking- we just put her in a plastic baggy and dropped her in my purse as we rushed out for the hospital. Which there she stayed for 2 hours until they took her from me. Im assuming it was a "her" I never heard anything back from the hospital. I guess we accidentally donated her to science? Since I didn't know I was pregnant for 14 weeks, any inkling of a sign now I just want to run out and get a test. All the days I suffered exhaustion, morning sickness, nausea, heartburn or cravings... I just assumed was any other reason but pregnancy. Since it did take us almost 8 years to conceive and because of my Cystic Fibrosis which tends to cause me sickness anyways. Needless to say, I am terrified of becoming pregnant again and going through the same problems and torture as I did already. But then again, I wouldnt want to live the rest of my life childless either. And PJ has already decided he wants atleast one or two more kids (to create a family of our own, since he already has 2 other children from different mothers that it didnt work out with.) Since the D & C they gave me in April (after they accidentally left the placenta in me 3 wks and I almost hemorraghed to death) I have only had one slight "period" I think. And havent bled since. Plus with itchy boobs, being a little tired lately, and just wanting to open up my fridge and stuff my face- I put these 3 coinsidences into the possibility that I may just be pregnant. With that said, I will do nothing about it cause I know Im probably wrong anyways. But if I do feel anymore exhaustion or some heartburn, and still do not get my period next month maybe then I will test myself and see what is going on. I dont want to give my hopes up anyways. Im still healing from the heartache and just want to be a mom <3 <3 <3

UPDATE - JUNE 24TH - I GOT MY PERIOD. MUST NOT BE PREGNANT :( SHUX

On another note, Local Harvest.org was a link that I found on another blog. You can find nearby Farmer's Markets, which is great because I am originally from Haverhill, Ma - and living in New Hampshire now I am still very new to the area. I shop at Market Basket every Friday and they typically dont have a great source of vegetables & fruits. Not as many as a farm would have anyways, and probably not as great prices. So here are a few in my area that I just wanted to save so I can check out sometime.

Hurd Farm

11 Old Stage Rd
Hampton, NH 03842

Hurd Farm, LLC is a small family owned farm located on the scenic Taylor River in Hampton, NH. We were a dairy farm that has transistioned to locally raised all natural meats and poultry. The Hurd family has owned and operated the farm since 1923. Today we raise all natural grass fed beef and chickens and heritage breed pigs. Our meats and poultry are fed an all-natural diet with no added antibiotics or other additives as growth stimulants. Our animals are provided access to green grass and sunshine on our farm's 160 acres.We offer the best home grown beef, pork, chicken, and eggs to our customers. Our sales are direct from the farm (by appointment) or from local farm stores and markets

Apple Crest Farm Orchard

133 Exeter Road (Rt.88)
Hampton Falls, NH 03844

Since the days nearly a century ago, when an "Apple Train" ran its route from the heart of Boston to the rolling orchards of Hampton Falls, Applecrest Farm has remained a cornerstone of the local economy and community. A 4th generation farm, Applecrest is the oldest and largest orchard on the New Hampshire Seacoast, nutured on by the Wagner family, who remain dedicated to their simple mission of sustainably growing the finest fruit and vegetables available. Visiting the farm today, one will discover a bounty of grown-on-the-farm delights, including leafy greens and summer vegetables, over 30 varities of apples, tree-ripened peaches, nectarines, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, sweet corn, pumpkins and fresh pressed all-natural cider from an on-site mill.