OA (Over Eaters Anonymous)

Day 27 & down 9 lbs

I woke up at 5:30 this morning, dreading that on my only one day to sleep in I had to do this. But I had already promised to my aunt that I would go. She has been attending "OA" or Over Eaters Anonymous for 3 years now and has lost a numerous amount of weight, fluctuating up and down because of course she is a "food addict" too. I wasn't sure what to expect. Having a friend who suffered from a drug addiction I already knew what these meetings were structured like - but it being about food had me thrown off a little and I didn't know how it would help ME.

It wasn't the first time I thought I might be a food addict, or realized I had an unhealthy relationship with food, as compared to others anyway. Not that I thought that way about myself often, but being 27 days into the "healthier me" I knew that the way I felt about food was more of an addiction or a way of thinking and feeling, than a hunger in my stomach telling me to eat. 

I had recently slipped up one day when I came home late from work about 930 pm and it was a Friday night, we had money in the bank but no groceries - I offered for us to eat out, picturing a big fat turkey sub (instead of a steak bomb or a cheese burger special) as soon as my husband mentioned MCDONALDS... I had absolutely no self control. The minute the words mumbled out of his mouth I was committed. I could taste it and there was nothing else I could eat. I sent him off to get me a 2 cheese burger meal, large with a coke, and a chicken nugget on the side! After I ate all of that I felt horrible. For one, about a half an hour later I still felt hungry, and for two I felt like a failure. I kept asking myself inside my head, "why do you have no self control. Why cant you just say no?" And I couldn't see why it was so hard for me.

Another example just a week or so ago. One of my best friends threw a 4th of July cook out. I knew that morning it was going to be a challenge for me because I was heavily counting my calories at this point and doing an amazing job, so I already had in mind that I would eat only the healthy stuff and I would not ruin what I have worked so hard for that week. When I got there, I tried to fill up on a bottle of water and a fresh fruit salad. Being out in the sun, almost fully dressed because I am fat and don't dare to show up any where in public in shorts - I was already miserable. I tried to have a good time, hanging out with friends, and later my husband showing up (which is a rare thing to happen.) My besty Lauren was cooking up a storm- first came the hamburgers, cheeseburgers, and hot dogs. I made my husband a huge plate and I refrained from eating any of that, instead I had a few fresh slices of pepper and some celery with dip. I tried to patiently wait for her to cook up the chicken. I intended on throwing it on a pile of salad and thought about how great I was doing. But during this time, I had an awful, bitchy, jealous, feeling inside of me. Cause so badly I just wanted that f_cking cheeseburger! Or that f_cking hotdog! And finally I felt like the chicken was taking too long and I was starved and was not able to control myself any longer so me and my husband actually left and went home!

It was that night that I realized that my want or need for food was unhealthy. That I let it affect me in such a way that it ruined a perfectly good time for me. I felt like a drug addict. While everyone else was happy around me, eating their burgers and dogs - they didnt even realize how I felt deep down inside. And it made me angry. Im like wtf is wrong with me?

So this morning I attended an Over Eaters Anonymous group at 730 this morning. I'm still not sure what I think of it. There was more of an older (and even older) crowd there, just a few young people. I related to some of their stories about food. Most of them stick to 2 salads a day and have cut out all sugar and flour from their diet. Personally, I don't think I ever could. I've watched so many shows about weight loss; Biggest Loser and Extreme Weight loss Make over myself that I feel like, why should we have to completely give up the foods we love? Instead we should be able to control ourselves and eat them in moderation. I have met hundreds of people online through out the last couple years who believe the same. That by counting calories, eating fresher, healthier foods, and with exercise that you can still eat what you love and lose weight. I also am not sure about having a "sponsor". Although it seems great to be able to call or go to just ONE person who is there, dedicated to helping you make the better choice.... I am not sure that I am ready to let someone like that into my life right now. I may check out a few more meetings before making a decision about that. Again, all of their stories were great and it was awesome to see people who have been dedicated to OA for 20+ years and have kept the weight off. There was also a strong presence of spirituality in that room that made me feel like I was at church and that God was beside me :) 

If you'd like to check out a meeting with me and are close by - just let me know. Here is the website just incase you want more information! http://www.oa.org/

For now, I am going to continue counting my calories on my MFP and trying to exercise. When things aren't so tight anymore money wise I plan on getting a gym membership to help me along as well....

And of course I will always take pictures of what I eat and document my every move, so get over it!

 

This was breakfast - A PROTEIN SHAKE at 425 Calories

Chocolate Shakeology, almond milk, strawberries, peanut butter and ice.

 

This was my lunch - just 357 calories and delicious!

I call this GREEN EGGS AND HAM!

Spinach, over easy eggs, apple wood smoked ham,

onions, and an english muffin. 

I skipped the cheese this time to save calories!

Dinner was (thin stir fry cut) chicken strips,

a whole mango, and some broccoli. About 300 calories. 

And that ended my day :) 

What did YOU eat?

Choose Your Dinner Plate Wisely!!

Your weight could be on the line! 

Did you know that grandma's plates were smaller? That in time plate size has grown to an average of 2-3'' more than they used to be. Causing us to eat more! I checked out Walmart.com just to see what the average dinner ware set was, and it looks like a dinner plate is around 10 inches and a salad plate is around 7 inches. There were other sets that had 12 inch plates though. And to be honest, if I didn't know better I would have grabbed the 12 inch set and filled up my plate the next night for dinner! Who knew?

Like many of us, we struggle with weight, and we just dont know when to stop eating. We should rely on our bodies to tell us that enough is enough, but for most people- we do not. When something tastes good to me, or I spent a lot of time cooking it, I'd rather eat every last bite on my plate than waste it. There are starving children in Africa, so why would I want to throw away a few scraps of delicious food? Well maybe if I had used a smaller plate, I would have finished when my stomach was full, and not have had any food to waste! But there are alot of things that can trick your mind about food. Not only does a plate size effect how much we eat, but if we are eating something with a fancy, gourmet label we automatically assume the food tastes better than if we would have chose a generic brand. Same is said for the way food is prepared and how it looks - if the display is pleasing we convince ourselves that the food is better.  

Measure the plate set you have at home. Try to go for a plate that is 2 inches smaller than what you would normally use. Cutting down 2 inches in your plate ware could cause you to eat 22% less the food than you normally would, which would result in possibly some weight loss! Tonight I chose to go with my salad plate, which is around 7 inches. And because I did this, I had enough dinner to pack up for tomorrow's (possible) lunch at work. 

For once in my life (or maybe just a long ass time) I felt proud tonight. I had a bag of organic, baby potatoes, and instead of cooking the whole bag I only cooked enough of what I thought would just feed me for one serving. I did the same thing with my chicken. I cooked one breast out of a 3 piece package. I also saved half of my butternut squash and only cooked a little bit. Which when I ate dinner, I cut all those portions in half, which fit onto my 7 inch plate, and when I got down to my last bite... I was actually FULL!!!!!!!!!! I did not feel like I had to have seconds, I did not feel like I had to go grab a snack or dessert out of the cabinet, and here it is almost 2 hours later, and I am still full. 

And I managed to still stay 300 calories under my goal - here are some pictures to enjoy~ as you can see my house is rid of chips, cupcakes, and other fatty, sugary, junk and full of fresh fruits -n- veggies, like below.

For lunch I had tuna & onions in a flaxseed wrap, with a slice of watermelon and some Special K sour cream & onion cracker chips. Which are delicious and so low in calories - 27 chips is like 100 calories or something, that is like triple the serving size than any chips or crackers that I know of. 

For dinner I boiled up some butternut squash and I threw a piece of chicken breast in the oven covered in cream of mushroom soup to keep it creamy (dry chicken sux) alongside some organic, baby, potatoes. I just put a little spritz of oil on top the potatoes.

 

When my butternut squash was brought to a boil, I drained the water, then mashed it up. I added a little bit of salt and pepper and 2 teaspoons of brown sugar. It was delicious. A little spicey though, which must have been from the pepper? Yet I only added a little bit.

And hubby has not been on a health kick like me, although I have been trying to slowly get him to eat better. He doesnt eat bad though, just when he does eat, he has absolutely NO portion control what-so-ever. I have watched him eat a whole 12 pack of peanut butter cups, or a whole bag of chips. And to be honest (not to be mean) but it makes me sick. It's no wonder why he has gained 70 lbs since we met ten years ago. And myself, has gained 60. He talks about jogging often, I just need to keep motivating him to do so!

Anyways, off track - so before he got home from work I made him this plate below. It's piggies-in-a-blanket, which is mini hot dogs rolled up in pillsbury dough croissants. We have had them in the fridge for weeks. I was going to initially stuff them with spinach and cheese, but never got around to it. And instead of making some french fries, I made him a cute little fresh salad, and he loved it <3

 This completes my entries for today. I think I had too much time on my hands. I should have been exercising instead of blogging and watching tv. But I stayed home sick from work, I woke up with a 3 hour long migraine, and couldnt stay away from the bathroom for more than 5 minutes. But still, I managed to clean up the house, cook, blog, and do a shitload of home work due tomorrow and Friday. So... goodnight!

Food Journal

Consumed 1301 calories today
Weigh in last week : 270 lbs
Weigh in this week : 268 lbs

For breakfast, which I do not have a picture to show (insert sad face here) I had 1 packet of apple & cinnamon oatmeal before I left the house for school around 8am. When I got to work around noon, I then sat down for 15 minutes and munched on a fresh fruit mix that I made- chopped green apple, 1 banana, pineapple, cantaloupe, and melon. Topped with a few teaspoons of vanilla yogurt and cream cheese dressing.

For lunch at work around 4pm, I had a home made salad. It's Fresh Express' sweet butter lettuce mix. Topped with 2 pieces of Sara Lee honey roasted turkey slices, 3 slices (diced in little chunks) of New York extra sharp cheddar cheese, little baby carrots, and a red and green bell pepper. No dressing, ever. With some white (raspberry) tea (instead of green tea today) and as much as I tried to ignore those Girl Scout Cookies that my vicious best friend and co-worker James placed infront of me, I did have 2 Samoas (one serving) and they were delicious- at a whopping 140 calories (wompp wompp)

For dinner when I got home around 8:30pm I cooked up some fresh, raw, organic, veggies. Humongous brussel sprouts ( I cut four of them into fourths ) a handful of green beans, sugar snap peas, and 1/2 a red bell pepper. I ran out of butter so I had to use 1/2 cup of water and 2 teaspoons of oil to cook them on the skillet. When the veggies were done I layed them ontop of 2 cups of egg noodles (no yolks). 

I must say that this new life style is not so bad. It takes a little more time and effort to make a healthier meal than it does to throw a pizza in the oven, but when I am done eating, I feel much better about myself. However, I did contemplate about the egg noodles. Only because I don't want to consume a lot of carbohydrates. But I barely eat bread. And I've cut my potatoe intake like crazy. For those of you who dont know me - I am obsessed with a few foods in life: potatoes, shredded lettuce, and cheese!!!  But I remembered what I read today (and the blog I posted earlier about the top 10 foods to help you burn fat and lose weight) and the fitness coach said, "its not about cutting out carbs, it's about counting calories." So that is what I am doing. I am only down 2 lbs, I expected to have lost more. I did very well during the week, but I screwed myself Saturday night when I was out with friends. Anyways - just wanted to document my food for today, toodles.

Days 1, 2, 3 {weightloss}

So let me just start off by saying THANK YOU for actually being here right now and reading this. Most of the time I actually blog it's because I just wanna get stuff off my mind, upload photos to save forever, and try to make myself accountable for my actions by tracking what I do every second of the day! Which right now includes what I eat. I am trying to lose weight for the third time and today is day 3. 

Let me tell you about my strategy. I have obviously thought about weight watchers. But honestly, I cant even afford to join online right now. Its like $60 to sign up for three months and with that, they waive the joining fee which is an extra $28. Yeah right? So then, I tried to "understand" how to just do WW and I even downloaded the free (droid) phone application but it has bad reviews, bugs, and keeps freezing my phone. So I deleted it. Then - I decided Im just gonna do it how I always have...

By counting my calories! And although I've never counted my calories on a "regular" non-dieting day. Im guessing they are pretty high-- considering I usually eat fast food, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, and french fries. While filling up on juice and soda! Not that I dont love fruits and veggies, because I do. But throwing a pizza in the oven or grilling something up in 5 minutes is much easier than preparing fresh, healthy, foods. Especially when I go to school in the morning and work all day/night. By the time I come home, the last thing I want to do is stand in the kitchen and cook for a half hour. S I guess, not only am I "on a diet" but I am living another lifestyle, lol.  

Besides counting calories I am being more aware of what I put in my mouth. One easy way of doing this (which sucks but Im getting used to) is preparing snacks and meals ahead of time. For example, before I sat down (here) for the night - I made my lunch for tomorrow, which is a big delicious salad, and I set aside some watermelon & strawberries for a snack, and some oatmeal for breakfast. I'll be at work for breakfast, lunch, and snacking so that's why its easier for me to prepare ahead of time. That keeps me from running to Mcdonalds next door or filling up on Starbucks coffee or Monster energy drinks which I love!! On a typical "non-diet" day I would normally skip breakfast, drink a coffee or an energy drink, probably skip lunch, then come home at night and eat like two grilled cheese, eight chicken nuggets, and two big ass glasses of soda. I dont wanna be that way anymore. I run out of energy, I am lazy, and needless to say in the past ten years I have put on sixty to seventy pounds that way. 

 

Now a days, I have either oatmeal, eggs (scrambled or boiled), or yogurt for breakfast. I have fruit (like strawberries, apple & peanut butter, or watermelon) for snacks. And when I come home for dinner I have something full of protein, like chicken with some fresh veggies. I am trying to make my portions smaller. And staying away from as much bread and potatoes as I can stand. I absolutely love them so its hard. I've managed to drink water at work, I just throw a green tea packet in there and its delicious. I hate, hate, hate water. I can almost literally not even drink it. But the green tea helps cause I dont like crystal light either. Im a picky eater and drinker ;)

I also signed up to MyFitnessPal to help track what I eat. They have an awesome phone app that has a barcode scanner for easy tracking. They told me I should be eating about 1600 calories per day but so far, Ive been way under. My first short term goal is to lose 20 lbs and be down around 250. That would make me happy. I cant remember the last time I was 250. I was close last year when I lost 18 lbs, but not right on target.

Day 1 - weighed in at 270 lbs ate 1334 calories of 1610 calories allowed.

Day 2 - weighed in at 271 lbs ate 1077 calories of 1610 calories allowed.

Day 3 - weighted in at 268 lbs ate 1014 calories of 1610 calories allowed.

 

Food and Fun!

Food and fun shared with you by pictures!

So since my dreadful last post about being miserable, I have managed to get out of the house and hang out with some pretty awesome friends of mine, while taking pictures to share with the world. So breifly, here they are.....

One night - I decided to take it upon myself to ask a bunch of friends to hangout at my other friend's house - where she has a fire most nights, along with some physically fun activities like bat mitten and volleyball. She also usually has a stocked fridge of coronas and twisted teas too! Although you can't tell in my pictures because I only took a few - all of my friends (besides one) have children. So while all us girls & (about ten of us) and James sat around the camp fire, talking shit, and reminiscing about crazy old times... we also had about ten kids (and two dogs) running around the yard like a bunch of hellians. Mind you, bat mitten is my all time favorite game to play, but as soon as the ADULTS want to play, along come the kids to take it over. We couldnt play for more than five minutes without a child running off with the "birdie." Anyways - it was a great night to catch up with friends and have a few drinks and two smores!

Another day, one of my besties {Lauren} invited me to a SUMMER BASH. Probably the b-e-s-t one that I have been to, maybe ever. Lauren and Michelle picked me up in the [cadillac escalade] packed with four adults and five kids!! We drove about 40 minutes away on a hot summer day and arrived at Dave's house. It was awesome. There was a live band, portable potties, four grills with a shit load of food, a humongous blow up slide, and games like sack in the hole, beer pong, and delicious jello shots!



While in the midst of people watching, enjoying the music, and having a BLAST... my friends (lauren, michelle and lisa lips) got WASTED. Which was fine, they told me early on that I was the "designated driver" which was okay because afterall, I didn't come prepared so had no liquor of my own, and cant stand the dreadful taste of beer. So I sucked down a few jellow shots just to relax and filled up on fruit. There was literally over fifty people there, all strangers, but we had a great time, it was a great party. When we were ready to leave I was worried about driving because the cadillac is HUGE, I am really bad at directions when it comes to highways, and all my friends were drunk! We packed the kids back in the truck and took off. I took the advice of a drunken friend and got us on the wrong highway initially, and once we got back on track I had to get off at the nearest exit because boligerant people might piss themselves! Overall, it took us about an hour to get home that night but it was well worth the craziness :)

Then lastnight was Yankee Homecoming a few towns away. It's a tradition in the town of Newburyport, Ma. where every summer in the center of town they have a ton of food vendors, leisure activites, performers, a live band, boat parade, and fireworks. Although me and the boys didn't make it till about 8pm, we got a great seat right on the boardwalk where we got to feel the ocean breeze and see the fireworks. It was also great to people watch!

Now... here it is, the last day of my "vacation" and I am watching Coraline on dvd, listening to the puppies and my husband snore beside me. It is a groggy, muggy, rainy, day and I'd much rather fold laundry and re-organize my closet than go outside in this weather. Though, I am eager to get back to work tomorrow to see my awesome co-workers and weigh in on Wednesday.

Speaking of weightloss. We did grocery shopping yesterday and for the first time in my life I skipped out on a bag of potatoes. I am a potatoe queen and it was literally like giving up heroin. I stood beside the bag of potatoes for five minutes wondering if I could go without, almost sweating with anxiety, and then in the freezer aisle (where I normally skip) I came across an already chopped bag of potatoes and I had to open and close the freezer door three times before walking away. I cook potatoes in many forms during the week - I like to cut up baby reds and throw them in the skillet with all sorts of things, mostly various veggies. In my house, we are not junk food junkies. Growing up my mother always bought snacks; ding dongs, funny bones, cookies, and ice cream. In my house we pleasure more on chips and dip and pudding. Other than that, I cannot remember the last time we had a package of cookies or ring dings in the cabinet. My guilty pleasure is CARBOHYDRATES! I love bread, I love chips, and I love potatoes! Yesterday I replaced chips with a bag of grapes, and I replaced potatoes with more fresh vegetables. I've also been struggling with finding something healthy and quenching to drink. While I have finally gone 100% at drinking water all day at work, I just cannot do it at home. I was filling up on gatorade but I am sick of it, and v8 is becoming dreadful too. So yesterday I got myself a bottle of Sprite Zero. Figured I could have a glass with my sandwiches or as a "dessert" to myself when I am craving soda. I gave up soda a few months ago cold turkey. Went from 2-3 bottles in the house a week to NONE! Also, SPINACH HAS BECOME MY FAVORITE FOOD ACCESSORY lately. It is absolutely delicious in grilled cheese and on every cold cut sandwich ever! However, it does go bad very quickly if you do not store it properly, which I havent figured out yet....

Anyways - I have to pee and pretty soon I am going to take a shower and go over to my mom's house. I decided that I need a hair cut. Quite honestly, I am very careless with my hair. I would let a homeless man on the sidewalk cut my hair if he wanted to. My hair is just so thick and grows so fast that I don't even care who messes it up, and right now Im at the point where it is even getting too heavy for a pony tail so I need a change! Pictures later in the week..... toodles :)