I Should Be...

.... Doing something else on my "mini-vacay."

Instead of sitting on my laptop and wishing that I could watch t.v. and being miserable. I'll admit we have had a hard time paying our bills. I only make a little more than minimum wage and my husband pays a shitload of child support, so we very rarely make our bills on time or have money for sweet extras. About a month ago Comcast shut off our cable & internet, because we had an outstanding bill & hadn't paid it in full yet. (We were just making enough payments to keep it on because we had other more important things to pay for.) When they did that, we were able to plug the cable directly into the t.v. so then we got atleast 10 basic channels. And I could luckily get an internet connection off a neighbor or from the wi-fi on my cell. Needless to say, I was sticking it out and trying not to bitch at my husband (or anyone else) about my miserable-ness and withdrawals from reality tv. But then..... my employer decided to switch us to EVERY 2-WEEK pay days. Which then through off my rent that was due, and my cell phone bill - so my husband had to explain to our "management" (we live in an apartment complex) why it wasnt being paid in full & then my phone got shut off. 

Last month I decided I would take some time off from work to use the rest of my vacation time. So I have 5 days off this week and was really looking forward to cleaning my house, watching tv, hanging with the dogs, working on the free layouts I owe people, going to the gym, and hanging out with friends & family. But..... comcast showed up at my door yesterday & took back my cable boxes and must have disconnected us from the pole because now I have NO cable, not even basic through the wall. My cell phone is still off and I dont have a house phone. We barely had enough money for gas last week so my truck is below empty and the "low-gas-light" is on so I cant even drive anywhere! I have not even a dollar. And it's making me really annoyed. I feel like my vacation is a waste.....

I did although, manage to get to page 88 on my work-book for my pharmacy test (which is scheduled for next month, a date I will keep secret for now) I am much smarter than I think I am. I knew practically everything up to page 88 so far. Only referencing the back for a few answers. And I only skipped one chapter which was ALOT of math, cause I need James to help me with it to understand it better. It's a bunch of equasions consisting of millileters & such.

Today, I am on day 2 of my vacation. I would really like to be hanging out with a friend, enjoying the sunshine, maybe hitting some waves, or being productive outside somewhere. But being phoneless and gasless makes it near impossible to get ahold of anyone. I've tried communicating via facebook but it's just not fast enough and my internet connection keeps going in and out. I've thought hard about throwing on some leggings and kicks and going for a LONG walk but for some reason I am just terrified. I have not become comfortable enough with myself to walk around in this neighborhood looking like a fat ass. I don't know how better to explain? When I moved away from here (my home town) and lived on the beach (an amazing tourish attraction about 20 min away) even with all the skinny bitches and all the hot men there, I felt comfortable enough to walk around in tight pants and a tank top, burning some calories. I think it was because I didnt "know" anybody and I felt like I was free to be whoever I wanted. Here, it's like everywhere I turn there is someone I know wanting to say hello and chat for a minute, or making judgements on me (probably.) Not to mention, I dont live in the "good part of town" anymore- so that leaves me aprehensive aswell. And obviously, because I could barely pay my bills this month I havent been able to afford a membership to the gym like I wanted, so that's out of the question.

Needless to say, I have been feeling down in the dumps. I haven't been able to get up and get out of the house on my own, and I haven't had the energy or the creativity to make any layouts (sorry guys.) I've been listening (not even watching) dvd's because Im so fed up with not having cable, slugging around my house, cleaning up, and napping with the dogs. Maybe, just maybe.... I will go out for a walk later and take some pictures? We'll see...... that's all for now, until my next rambling.